9-1-1

Crazy lady comes in at 10:30 a.m.
Me: Can I help you?
Crazy lady: I've been driving around for 2 hours trying to find the sleep center!!! I have an appointment at 10:00. I can't believe there isn't a shack or booth anywhere with someone to give people directions!!!
Me: Where is the sleep center?
Crazy lady: At the University Hospital!!!
Me: Okay, go up this street and (she won't let me finish my sentence).
Crazy lady: I don't want directions. I want the police or someone to either take me there or at least someone I can follow!!!
Me: Do you want to call them? The phone book is there on the desk. Dial 9 to get out.
Crazy lady: (dials and hangs up). The call can't go through?!!! You can't dial 9-1-1?!!!
Me: Ma'am, that's not a 9-1-1 kind of call!
Nice man overhears the chaos and offers to let her follow him to the hospital.
A few minutes after they leave, a 9-1-1 dispatcher calls and asks about someone who is lost called from this number. Do I know anything about the call?
Me: Yes I know about it. Someone here offered to get her there.  I'm sorry that she called.
Dispatcher: It's okay.

Jonathan

Torie:  I was speaking with Jonathan about an idea I have about the window display.
Me: Oday, ... wait, you were speaking with who?
Torie: Oh, John Garrett.
Me: So you do know that his given name is John, right?
Torie: I just call him that.
Me: But you do know that his name isn't Jonathan, it's just John.
Torie: Yeah I know.